Your Stories

Where do you go for help?

The following in part is my story:

"When the unbelievable and unimaginable happens and you are in shock and denial where do you go for help? One day you are living your life enjoying the freedom of your children grown up with families of their own: the joy of being a grandparent, having a career … then suddenly you are the mother of a young grandchild or grandchildren. Just when you are looking forward to leisure, travel, doing lunch … suddenly you are talking about toddlers, potty training, speech therapy and preschool.

I had my grandson for almost 1 year before I found any support. He was just three years old. The ‘Shared Counselling Group’ I was fortunate enough to be part of helped me through some very difficult times.

The journey has been a very difficult one. I have met many amazing people along the way. I have the other grandparents in my group to thank for their loving support. I have learnt many things. There has been lots of sadness: lots of happiness too. My grandson brings me much joy. We have shared an incredible journey together.

Out of my experiences I am fired by a passion to make a difference, especially when I hear other people’s stories often more difficult than my own."

Barbara Stewart's story

BARBARA STEWART, 69, IS RAISING HER GRANDCHILDREN, DYLAN, 10, AND REBECCA, SEVEN

Former school library assistant Barbara Stewart and her husband Gordon, also 69, were looking forward to a relaxed retirement. Instead, they found themselves with a brand-new family. Their youngest daughter, Rachel, now 33, suffers from a mild intellectual disability, meaning she is unable to care for her two children, Dylan and Rebecca. In 2000, the children became the legal responsibility of their grandparents’.

Our daughter Rachel is the youngest of six children. She has special needs but she can read, write, tell the time, that sort of thing. She’s pretty self-sufficient – we worked very hard to make sure she would be able to cope in the world if anything happened to us.

In 1995, Rachel’s son, Dylan, was born, and the next year Rachel married his father, who also has the same sort of disability. They had a lovely wedding, but we worried about them. At first, it seemed that things weren’t going too badly, but by the time Dylan was about a year old, you could see they weren’t coping very well. Things went from bad to worse after Rebecca was born – Rachel was fighting with her husband and they both lacked the capacity to properly look after their children. We took Dylan and Rebecca to our house most weekends, but that was really all we could do – you can’t just walk in and take a child away from its parents.

To read Barbara's full story click here

A good news story

A little love goes a long way - May 2006

"My grandson is 10 years old and his parents separated three years ago. They are both ‘druggies’ and they were fighting over who would have him for all that time. It was so upsetting watching that little boy pushed from one parent to the other – neither of them really wanted him – and he was missed out on so much love that he deserved. He used to cry and get angry whenever he came to visit.

He didn’t know how to handle his parents. He felt sorry for his Mum and thought that he should be with her but when she got a boyfriend there wasn’t any room for him in her house. His father used to bring his mates around and they would get stuck into the grog – and Nathan used to try to stop them but he got pushed around a lot – and hurt. He would refuse to go to school and fell behind with his schoolwork. The teachers found him terribly hard to deal with because he was so disruptive when he was in class. He used to get into fights … he was a very angry little boy.

Eventually we stepped in and offered to take him. Neither of his parents have seen him for over a year. He has been living with us for 2 years now and he attends school regularly. He plays football on the weekend and brings home books to read – we often read at night together. I’ve learned to love Harry Potter!

I was amazed last term when his report came in - he was in the top 10 in his class. We are so proud of him…you would never imagine it was the same boy! I get really tired – but he is worth every exhausting minute of it."

A grandmother’s story

EMOTIONS - “I didn’t know there were so many!”

“I find a great confusion as to who I am and what the children should call me? Am I “Gran” or “Mum”… “Pop” or “Dad” … and there’s a sadness that I have lost my role as a grandparent. I used to enjoy spoiling the children and giving them back – now there are discipline issues, responsibilities, behavioural problems and wondering how to cope with the homework. I can’t afford to spoil them any more – the money’s needed for clothes and food – I never knew they ate so much!

I have feelings of grief for my daughter and how she has destroyed her life - and for my grandchildren because they are so young and so vulnerable. They should never have to go through this in their lives. I get so angry and sad…and I get tired more than I will admit. I just wish life would go back to being normal again.”

Then, just when I think this is all too much the kids come rushing in and give me hug or draw me a picture or win a race at school …and that’s when I recognise who I am …and what’s important … and that I’m making a difference in their lives.

It’s not about the money and the battles … it’s about love … and knowing you can make a difference!”